A few weeks ago these little temporary Christmas villages started popping up around Paris. I've personally seen four of them and my Pariscope magazine indicates that there are at least a few others scattered around the city. The first photo is the Marché de Noël at Saint-Germain-des-Prés and the second one is at Saint-Sulpice. This gives you some indication of how seriously this city takes its street markets: seasonal or otherwise. There is a huge workforce of city employees who set up the little houses, clean up afterwards, etc.
It's been a little strange to watch all the Christmas preparations. As I said to sis a few days ago, sometimes it feels like I'm living inside a Hallmark Channel movie called "A Grandpa for Christmas" (of which I am confident there are at least a half-dozen by that name in rotation on that channel as we speak). Grandpa lives alone in some far away place ... except in the made-for-TV production I will be played by an actor with more of an Ernest Borgnine quality ... wandering the streets of an ancient city - watching the locals set up Christmas trees, buy presents, etc. He long ago closed the doors of his departed wife's (well, she is!) sewing room. He makes dinner alone and consumes a demi-bouteille of Pinot Noir every night. Wait, check that. The Hallmark Channel would never go for the drinking alone part - but the sewing room thing is perfect.
And then through some mystical myrical loosely associated with the Baby Jesus - in our case it's the home leave clause written into my Letter of Assignment compensation package - Grandpa has an opportunity to be reunited with his long lost family and, importantly, the granddaughter he's never met. I mean, without that part it would hardly qualify as a Hallmark Channel vehicle.
But wait, there's a barrier for Grandpa to overcome before he sees his distant family in the new world. Every Hallmark Channel holiday movie has to include this part too. It needs to be some seemingly insurmountable problem imposed by villains wearing neckties who are completely lacking in Christmas spirit. Oh, and Grandpa has to be wearing a red or green sweater at this point (it's contractual). And it should be snowing. In my case, the role of the insurmountable barrier will be played by a transfer at O'Hare the week before Christmas (I'm actually kind of worried about that). But when we return from the final commercial break (Wilford Brimley selling insurance to seniors) a mysterious member of the airport maintenance staff - who may or may not be an angel in disguise - appears to provide sage advice and some type of moral lesson to Grandpa - possibly involving the Pinot. He just barely makes his connection to SFO.
Cut to the tearful reunion with Grandma (played by Morgan Fairchild), the loving daughter (played by Shannon Doherty), and the long-haired spandex-wearing rocker son (Kirk Cameron). Loving daughter places the grandbaby in Grandpa's arms, group hug, tears all around, cue the strings .... and, scene.
Or something like that.
22 comments:
Oh, you so had me going, and then you completely lost me at 'Kirk Cameron'. Dude, don't do your son like that. That's not funny, or heartwarming, or anything else.
What threw me is having Morgan Freeman playing Lora. But then I went back and read it again. Nice.
Obviously, Mike, we disagree on Kirk Cameron's artistic abilities. I, for one, find him edgy yet wholesome. Not unlike my son.
And Ryan, I considered Morgan Freeman for the role. But that would have gone more in a Bravo direction and I really had my heart set on the Hallmark Channel.
Ernest Borgnine could NEVER get Morgan Fairchild!! Morgan Freeman, maybe, but never Morgan Fairchild.
Oh, and by the way, YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO MORGAN FAIRCHILD??? If that's the case, may you remain in an endless loop of delays at O'Hare, much like the Hallmark Channel plays an endless loop of syrupy drivel.
This all went much more smoothly during the story-boarding phase.
OK, Lolly - if not Morgan Fairchild then who would you cast as Grandma?
Shannon Doherty as your daughter? Sweet Home Alabama, man, have you lost your mind?
Actually, instead of a Hallmark special, I'd suggest you rework it into a comedy -- sort of Father of the Bride II meets European Vacation meets Christmas Vacation meets Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
We'll get Randy Quaid to play you and, well, Bruce Willis for me.
Or Kevin Costner for me -- either way, I'm good.
Are you willing to introduce some claymation into this production? I'd like to be Yukon Cornelius.
LOL, bro...
Perhaps the villains should be Men in Black types (X Files version, not Will Smith/Tommy Lee Jones version) insisting that you did NOT see a miraculous star in the sky... it was merely Venus, which was extremely bright in the sky last night....
Oh, and, good luck getting out of la maison du chien avec Lolly over the whole Morgan Fairchild thing...
A lot of good ideas in there - in fact, there might be enough material to start thinking in terms of A Grandpa for Christmas Trilogy. But I'm going to need full discretion on casting.
Re: the whole Morgan Fairchild thing, maybe we could get Jon Lovitz to play you.
I TOTALLY and COMPLETELY vote for Scott as Yukon Cornelius. Or is it Yukon Cornelius as Scott????
I'm just afraid that it would turn into a Harryhausen-esque nightmare to put claymation and Kirk Cameron in the same frame. But I'm open-minded and willing to meet halfway. The NY Times reported on the Broadway opening of "Shrek: The Musical" today. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Hey, maybe the "bad guys" could be federal marshals, mistaking you for a disguised Rod Blagojevich trying to make a run for it.
I can just see them chasing you through O'Hare.
And I think Jason Bateman would be a better choice for your son, personally -- he was great in Hancock.
As for the musical, I say we strap skates on the whole and take it straight Branson -- "A Grandpa for Christmas On Ice."
At that point, I think it's gonna have to be Kristi Yamaguchi for Lora, though. The only logical choice really -- just not sure how we're going to explain why your wife is Japanese-American.
This is a fun read, and the person I'd cast as Lora is the lovely blonde who played "Miss Linda" in the Bing Crosby "Holiday Inn" flick (at that age, of course).....I think her name was Marjorie Holmes. The singing and dancing would lend itself into a musical version......and, regarding O'Hare......isn't that where Jordan took his first steps alone in 1986 ?
Sure, she can dance.
But can she skate?
Good question. And, by the way, I double checked.....her name is Marjorie Reynolds. Marjorie Holmes is an author.....chalk it up to my geezerhood.
Instead of an ice version, have you considered a roller derby type format?
And, Scott, are you willing to lick the ice axe......in your portrayal of Yukon Cornelius?
Yes, licking the ice axe is an excellent way to get ones daily iron in the arctic. I'm all for it.
I'm also in favor of extending firm yet redemptive grace to bumbles whenever possible, and reintegrating them into the community.
With, or without, pulling out all their teeth?!
I'd suggest an appearance by Rick Warren as the helpful and surprisingly wise grizzled trucker, but I think he may be busy.
Plus it might hack off the anti-Prop 8ers.
Maybe Kenny Rogers is available.
I'd rather refrain from extracting bumble chompers. I prefer orthodonture; the rubberbands and head-gear keep them out of mischief for a couple of years and by that time they're nearly through with adolescence.
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